Archive for June, 2009
Random Tuesday Thoughts: 3 W’s
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Today’s installment of Random Tuesday Thoughts (inspired by the Un-Mom) is brought to you by the 3 W’s in my life: wedding, wealth and work.
One. Steve’s meeting tonight with a friend of his aunt Pat’s who we hope will be our wedding officiant. His name is Anthony, and he is a Native American guy who loves rituals. He helped with our nephew’s Bar Mitvah–yes, a bit untraditional–and also held a little ceremony for Pat when she got her master’s degree. He’s very spiritual and mystical in a way.
Steve is in charge of our actual wedding ceremony. There are a few things I want to make sure happen–some special way to include the children, for example–and a few things I don’t want to happen–no unity candle, please–but other than that, I really want to be surprised. I will write my own vows based on the traditional ones (why change what works? except for the obey part. Nope, not gonna say obey). But other than that, I don’t want to know.
I wrote our entire ceremony for my first wedding. I was such a control freak, that when the minister rephrased my words, I visibly bristled. Yeah, I used to be that uptight. This time, I want to be in the moment, not worrying about what gets said. I want to experience it anew, not have it memorized like I did before.
Two. I love that Steve wants to be very involved with the wedding. His first wedding was about his ex and her mom. He says he was pretty much shut out of any decisions. We have an agreement that I will receive his ideas openly and not shut them down right away, that I won’t make any decisions without him. Because, after all, a wedding is about the COUPLE not the bride–despite what most brides think.
Three. Yesterday, I initiated a distribution from my old retirement account. I am going to pay off my credit card debt, some old taxes, get my car’s body damage fixed and pay for my portion of the wedding.
If Suze Orman is reading this (hi Suze!) she wants to kill me. Listen, Suze, I hear you. I know I’m 40 and I don’t have much saved for retirement. However, Capital One sent me this lovely letter the other day that explained, due to the poor economy (and despite the fact that I’ve been a customer for 17 years and have never once been late), they are raising the interest rate on my credit card from a fixed 9.9% to 26.74%. Really Capital One? Fuck you. No seriously. Here is your entire payment, except for $10, so you can’t close my card.
Ahem. So, rather than watch my money increase by 1% a year (it’s all been in a money market for the past 18 months) and watch my credit card debt jump, I’m paying it all off. And getting my car fixed. And paying for the wedding, which was going to go onto another Capital One credit card I have that has a zero balance and a 9.9% fixed rate. Which I also got the same letter about, although that rate was only going up to 22.74%. Only.
I was going to take the tax hit anyway because I recently rolled a 403b over into a Roth IRA (and you pay taxes when you roll it over), so now I get to eat another 10% on the amount I’m taking out. To me, it’s worth it. Suze may think it’s dumb. But since I was strategically paying off my debt, I’ll now have all that extra money to put toward building up my savings. Which is more important nowadays anyway.
Four. I want to write about a nasty situation that’s occurring at work between me and some “colleagues” but I can’t. Suffice it to say, I made a mistake, apologized, and my apology was thrown back in my face. I’m very upset about it, because really, what I did is pretty common in my line of work, and my apology was sincere. And my professional integrity was called into question. Had this person called me lazy, that would have been one thing, but to question my integrity is quite another. I’m quite shaken up. I don’ t like to be anything but perfect, and to have my non-perfection thrown in my face–and so nastily–is awful.
Five. Speaking of work, I feel like I’ve bitten off more than I can chew. I took on the central story for my upcoming magazine, which is highly scientific and quite complicated. Usually, I can mull over something for a few days then pound it out. Not this one.
I’ve been dipping my toe into it for weeks now, delaying the publication date. I can’t get it together. Essentially, I’m scared of it. I have to write it today, and I know I’m avoiding here, but also, I take blogging as a warm up exercise to my real work. Now that I’ve confessed my fear, I hope the words start rolling. One way or the other, even if the story sucks, it has to get done today.
So now I’m going to get to it.
Days of Grace: 118/365
Posted by: | Comments- My wonderful boss, who knows bullshit when she sees it.
- I share.
- My ex apologized TWICE for allowing my daughter to get a sunburn, even though it wasn’t his fault (a bad bottle of sunscreen)
- Laurel, for helping Steve find someone to hang out with his son today, giving Steve two extra nights with him this week.
- Decaf green tea
Process of Elimination
Posted by: | CommentsI’ve finished reading the UltraMind book. Its recommendations really aren’t anything I haven’t read before. The book provided me with a deeper understanding of the chemistry involved in my body’s basic functions.
For me, deeper understanding is important. I’ve never been one to jump off a bridge just because someone tells me to. I want to know why I should jump, how I should jump, how far it is to the water, how deep and swift the water is … and so on. As a child, I drove my mother nuts with asking “Why?”, and I drive Steve nuts with the same question now. The more I can answer why and how in trying new things or making life changes, the better they stick. I admit that sometimes needing all the answers before I do something leaves me stuck, too. Occasionally I do jump and trust that the net will appear.
So, armed with a little more information than I had before, I’m beginning the preparatory weeks before a 6-week program. The goal isn’t weight loss, per se, but given that I have 3 months to get into my wedding dress (I need to lose about 10 lbs), weight loss will be an added benefit. This week, I’m eliminating:
- All white flour, and gluten in particular
- All sugar except fruit, and high fructose corn syrup in particular, including wine, alcohol and sugar substitutes
- Dairy
- Caffeine
I don’t drink much caffeine, so that one’s easy. I’ll miss cheese and my occasional greek yogurt, but other than that I don’t eat dairy at all. The other two, well, this should be fun. Sugar, especially, is my addiction. I don’t eat much white flour–except on LaMarr’s Donut Sundays, which I will have to avoid. But sugar gets me through my afternoons.
I’ve eliminated gluten before, at the beginning of 2007 when I was having horrible issues with my digestion. I did feel better, less sluggish, more energetic not eating gluten. However, my GI issues did not clear up so I started eating it again. Turns out my GI issues–namely, my IBS– were caused by the Fucking Mirena, because once I had it removed, they cleared up about 80%. The other 20% can be attributed to hormones and diet.
Well, this new program should help with both of it.
I’m going back to five meals a day, a technique that’s always worked for me in terms of blood sugar stabilzation and weight loss. If my blood sugar is stable then I shouldn’t get the afternoon headache that comes from hypoglycemia–usually cured by a quick trip to the vending machine for a candy bar or a diet coke. Each of my meals contains protein.
I’m also going to evaluate the supplements I take, maybe add or change a few.
I know that I’ll have added the sugar back in after I’m done, or at least Splenda and Agave (my favorite sweetener, which is actually low on the glycemic list). But probably not LaMarr’s Donuts on Sunday mornings.
And, given that I have to drop 10 pounds by Oct. 3 to get into my dress, I have to up the exercise. I’ve been good about getting an hour of cardio 3 days a week (Zumba, Nia and salsa rehearsal), but I’ve been slacking on the weight lifting. I know from past experience that lifting is the only way I slim down. I can do cardio until I fall over from exhaustion and put on 2 pounds.
But first things first: Getting through the day without caffeine and sugar. I know I can do it. I might just be a bit whiney about it.
Days of Grace: 117/365
Posted by: | Comments- Lauren’s grandma is watching her for the summer, which is so much better than summer camp
- Ujean, who has been great to work with on my new blog header/design.
- Steve cleaned the entire house yesterday and it feels great
- Electric fans
- Aleve
Days of Grace: 116/365
Posted by: | Comments- One of my favorite teachers ever friended me on Facebook, and in a lovely email told me I had been one of her favorite students in her 30 year career. Wow.
- Baby organic strawberries from the farmers’ market
- I’m not getting Steve’s cold
- Tomorrow, I’m sleeping in
- Slush funds
We’re getting married Oct. 3, 2009, and I won’t be Bridezilla
Posted by: | CommentsWe’ve talked it over, and we agree: We will be getting married in three months. We are not eloping, but we are not having a big wedding either:
Saturday, October 3, 2009
11:30 am
Millennium Bridge, LoDo
(where we fell in love, where we got engaged)
Family and select very close friends
Reception (we hope) at this very cool downtown loft we looked at last summer, when we were planning a May 2009 wedding
It’s been quite the road to get here, this place where we’re both feeling good enough about ourselves to feel good enough about us. And I’m happy. I feel that it will really happen this time. I know where the money is coming from. There doesn’t seem to be any struggle with anything. We’re agreeing on everything, maybe because we’ve hashed it all out before.
And my dress, my gorgeous Maggie Sottero, has been hanging in my closet since Jan. 5. We have a line on a day-of coordinator, a florist, invitations, even a harpist who’s willing to learn Modern English’s “Melt with You,” our song. I’m putting it out there that the universe is going to drop an outstanding wedding photographer who has that certain fashion/photojournalistic style I love into my lap, and s/he will shoot five hours for my $1200 budget. But if it doesn’t, someone will take our photos. And it will be fine.
I will not be a Bridezilla.
Let me say that again. I will not be a Bridezilla (I promise, honey). I’ve been here before. I know that every detail will not fall into place, and if I freak out the only thing that’ll happen is I’ll look like a bitch. Oh, and piss everyone off.
I kind of got my “dream wedding” the first time around. I worked my ass off, found great deals, and pulled off a $15,000 wedding on a $5,000 budget. This time, we’re cutting all unnecessary things — favors, chairs at the ceremony, a DJ or band, a sit-down meal — so we can have the things we want (my dress, no post-wedding debt, a day-of coordinator), and so I don’t have to do anything on my wedding day but get my makeup done, get married and have a wonderful lunch. The budget’s about the same on #2, but my parents aren’t picking up most of the tab like they did on #1. This is on us, and mostly on me. And that’s OK.
Last summer, our guest list was close to 100 people long. When I opened up the Excel file yesterday, I looked at it with new eyes: Which of these people do we want in our lives 10 years from now? Which of these people would be there for us in a crisis? Maybe in flusher times I wouldn’t quibble about dropping $40 per head on people I just want to impress, but who aren’t really my friends. The recession has made us see things clearer. That means the new list has just 28 people on it: those who raised us (and in my case, birthed us), our children, siblings/spouses/children, and four close friends. My coworkers, Steve’s coworkers and others are important to us, but let’s be realistic: I don’t remember half of the people who were at my first wedding. I see the pictures, and I wrack my brain to remember their names. Priorities.
And best of all, unlike the first time, I have no doubts about who I am marrying. There’s nothing about Steve that I can’t live with. The fundamentals–chemistry, connection, commitment–are solid. I carry a torch for no one but him. I can’t imagine my life without him in it.
So we’re going to do this thing. I’m ready.
We’re ready.
Ch-ch-ch-ch changes
Posted by: | CommentsHuman, being is under transformation. Ha, aren’t we all. But that’s the point. I’m a gemini, and I get bored easily. Especially with how things look. Ask Steve–I make him help me rearrange the furniture every 12 months and repaint the house every other year.
Now that I’m going to Blogher, I don’t feel pressure to buy new clothes and shoes. Instead I feel pressure to make my blog look more professional, cleaner and cooler. Because while some of the newbies (and veterans) are worried about what people will think about them IRL (in real life), I don’t want to look like a doofus online when I go shake the hand of The Bloggess and hand her my card.
I’m not a technogeek. I do know enough about how websites work to tinker, but I have no idea how to make a development site, etc. etc. I’m a cowboy~and I’m galloping across the frontier via live web changes. (I am backing up though. Because I only take risks when there’s a net to catch me. But I digress.)
So far, I’ve installed this new theme, called Flexx Theme by iThemes. It’s cool because I can move/add/remove sidebars just by clicking. I had to pay $80 for the theme (actually, just $56 because I googled discount codes and found a 25% coupon!). I like it so far, as it speaks to my sense of order. And I’ve added a ton of behind-the-scenes plugins to make the site work better.
I’ve also commissioned a new blog header from Ujean of Ujean’s Whimsical World. I stumbled upon her when searching for business cards from Blogher, and her work is gorgeous. Gorgeous I tell you! I found her on this cool site called zazzle.com, which is like etsy but less knitting and vintage but more paper goods and swag.
I’ve also added a new page section called The Rules* where I’ll be stashing some of my favorite things that explain what this blog is all about. Check it out!
And eventually, once I figure them out, I’m adding a few ads. I know, I know, who needs more product thrown at them? But I’d love to make a few dollars to counter the cash I’m putting in and to make my little blogging addiction hobby earn a few pennies of income so I can write off my trip to Blogher. And make a few extra pennies of income.
Anyhoo, that’s what’s going on here. If you happen to read between the hours of midnight and 3 am–at least lately–you’ll probably see changes happening in real time. And some things will be a little mismatched until I get all the elements in place. I hope you like the changes. Tell me what you think!
