It’s been a while since I’ve been random, so here we go. If you want to play the Random Tuesday Thoughts game, be sure to add your name to the Mr. Linky over on Keely’s blog. She’s the one who started it all.

One. Thank you.

Losing a pet you love–especially your favorite pet–in a word, SUCKS. Thank you for all of your kindness. It’s made us feel a little better.

Two. Ferret Heaven.

This morning, Lauren told me that she’s been dreaming of Pharley in Ferret Heaven. “He’s the calmest ferret there, and his best friend now is Dave, who looks just like him except he has pink eyes like Jack, which is one reason why Pharley likes him.”

She went on to describe the tunnels and the toys and all the fun Pharley and Dave are having, and the fact that Dave thinks Pharley is pretty cool and is now his best friend.

“How do you know all this?” I asked.

“Well, I don’t speak ferret, but I do speak Pharley, so he’s the translator from Dave to me. But don’t worry Momma, he’s very happy there. He gets LOTS of treats.”

Three. Jealousy.

Steve and I used to be part of this group of people who were our party friends. They were rich, and they throw the most amazing shindigs. We stopped hanging with them for various and sundry reasons, but mostly, because we aren’t rich, and when they’d travel, as they often do, they’d get tighter and we’d feel a little more on the outside. One of the guys in the group updates his blog now and again, and today I got an email with an update about a beach vacation he and his wife and this group of people just got back from. And I noticed another one of my friends, who I didn’t realize until now had married into this group, in the photos. And I started to burn with jealousy.

I know, it’s ugly. I hate this feeling.

Being part of this group was akin to being part of the popular clique in high school. I had a great time. Steve never quite felt like he belonged. And while I don’t quite miss the whole lifestyle–at 40, I don’t do well partying until 4am unless I have a week to recover–I miss that feeling of being included. Since we dropped out, we haven’t found another social outlet, and I’ve put on 20 pounds (nothing like a little friendly competition with a bunch of beautiful people to get your ass into the gym). Feeling this way makes me understand that it’s about time we find a new group of friends we both like hanging out with.

Five. Money.

Which brings me to money. It’s crossed my mind to take a holiday job, something part-time in retail maybe, to help pay for Christmas and pay off the credit card I somehow maxed out in September. I really don’t wanna, but the only other option is for me to cut back my spending drastically, which I also don’t wanna do. It’s not like I’m spending thousands of dollars a month on cosmetics and handbags. Cutting would mean never eating out, or going out. Neither sound like an appealing option to me. I hear that phone sex pays about $15 an hour. I guess I could do that from home. (or not)

Six. Weight loss.

OMFG I’m fat. Somehow, I’ve put on 7 pounds since the week before the wedding. I am not pleased with myself. I’ve let all the old bad habits creep back in–not going to the gym at all (since August!), eating like shit and skipping meals, drinking soda (even diet is awful for me and makes me crave sugar), drinking caffeine. I pulled out my winter wardrobe and all of the pants? Too small. I can’t go shopping for bigger clothes (see Five, above) nor do I want to. Last night at salsa practice I was winded after one run through. That’s sad. I usually put on about 5-10 pounds over the winter due to the SAD sugar cravings, and if I do that this year, I’ll be pushing 200 and plus-sizes. Disgusting. Something’s gotta give, and I think it’s the daily candy bar and couch surfing.

Seven. The novel.

I’m spending this weekend with Lorrie Moore, whose novel A Gate at the Stairs is on the best sellers list, at three different Lighthouse Writers events. I’m hoping hearing this genius of a writer speak and taking a “uncrafty workshop on craft” will motivate me to start over on my novel. I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately, thinking about research I need to do, thinking about the storyline. I have about 100 pages written, but I don’t think I’ll use much of it, except as a background exercise, because I started hating Jessie, the main character. She became very shrill very quickly. I don’t want to kill her off, so I’ll start over, knowing where I don’t want to go.

I’ve been in contact with one of Lighthouse’s novel writing teachers–a brilliant man named Bill Henderson–and if I can get out of debt, I’m going to hire him as my writing coach. While I know I can write, and have been successful writing short stories, I don’t know how to write a novel. I figure Bill can teach me. Sure, I could read a book, but I learn better through 1:1 instruction.

Eight. Purging the blogroll.

The only way I can carve out time for working on the book is to give something up. For the past 10 months, I’ve been following about 80 blogs, reading them through my Google Reader daily, or at least every-other day. After Blogher, I picked up another 25 or so blogs I really liked. Well, blog reading is taking up about 90 minutes a day. I love ya’ll, but something’s gotta give. I want to whittle my blog reading to about 15 minutes a day. I feel a bit guilty about this, because it seems one of the tennets of blogging is Thou Shall Read As Many Blogs As Possible and Leave Pithy Comments Almost Every Time. Also, I think instead of going to Blogher, I’ll be going to a weeklong writing retreat. Same week, same cost. But which is going to get me where I want to be?

Nine. What the?

I just realized that in this blog, I’ve said I want to add more time in my life for working out, cooking meals and eating healthier, having a social life, continuing dancing and maybe getting a part-time job. I am crazy.