Christmas? Is getting uppity

Yes, my friends, you heard it here first. Christmas is officially an uppity bitch that I am going to ignore. My bloggy friend The Stiletto Mom wrote a great post about a house in her neighborhood that not only has its Christmas lights up, but on.

ON! What the hell? It is only Nov. 20, people. Don’t you know the rules? There are only 3.

1. No talk about Christmas (or whatever your end of the year holiday is) until Thanksgiving Day.
2. Do not turn on your holiday lights until the day after Thanksgiving.
3. Christmas? Doesn’t exist until the day AFTER Thanksgiving.

Marketers used to respect these rules, but this year, not so much. Already, overstock.com is brandishing the holiday cheer across the airwaves (or whatever waves digital signals are carried on) with its stupid version of Jingle Bells. We happily push the skip foward button on the DVR on most commercials but especially on those inappropriately early holiday ads.

And Macy’s? You lost the sale of a very nice dress the weekend before Halloween because you were playing It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas. Really Macy’s? On October 24? Maybe if you’re Canadian that’s true, but in Denver that day it was 63 degrees and sunny. It was beginning to look a lot like Indian Summer, you bozos.

Ms. Stiletto said it this way: Every holiday needs to know it’s place.  And this holiday’s place is not yet.

So here’s what I’m not doing until next Friday:

• singing Christmas carols
• talking about our Christmas budget
• fighting with my siblings about the amount we’re spending on each other at Christmas
• putting up Christmas decorations
• watching Christmas shows or commercials
• wearing red and green together
• eating candy canes
• talking about Santa Claus
• thinking about Christmas

That’s right. I’m putting Christmas back in its place for one more week. Take that you uppity holiday.