Archive for diet
Sprained & etc.
Posted by: | CommentsSprain
My Xrays of my foot today show nary a crack. The doctor was surprised because my foot? Looks broken. She thinks that I likely have bruised the bone and sprained the ligaments on the outside of my foot. I am so relieved, because a) I am not a hypochondriac and b) I don’t have to get a cast. I probably wouldn’t have been able to drive with a cast on my foot, and that would have created a huge pain in my ass.
The doctor told me to expect the injury to take 4 to 6 weeks to heal. She suggested I wear a heavy, flat-soled shoe until it does heal–hello hiking boots with dresses! (Do I live close enough to Boulder to pull it off? Can I stop shaving my legs to get the full effect?) Other than that, all I can do is keep it elevated, ice it and keep taking anti-inflammatory meds.
Oh, and stay off of it. Yahoo.
It’s all back
I had to get on the scale at the doctor’s office today. And I am now officially disappointed in myself. Since the wedding, I have put on 12 pounds. TWELVE. I am now back at the weight I was after Lauren was born: 195. That’s 35 pounds over the “ideal” weight for my frame. Fuck. Two years ago I was 25 pounds lighter. Four years ago I was 40 pounds lighter.
Did I say FUCK? Goddamn it. Fucking bullshit. Grrrrr.
My muddled brain is partially to blame for this situation. My naturopath changed up my thyroid medication, adding compounded T3 and lowering the Synthroid dose in the hopes of helping my seasonal depression. (There is evidence that T3 plays a strong role in neurotransmitter development, and since I’m chronically low in that hormone, it may explain my chronic depression.)
Well, I took the new T3 pills for a month, then forgot to refill it. For five weeks, I was taking about 2/3 of the dose I need to be healthy. I figured it out right before Christmas, when I had a horrible, bleak, black day. Spikes of depression are a signpost that my thyroid hormones are insufficient, as are extreme sugar cravings. (That day I ate 2 tubes of Sweettarts, washed down by a 20-oz bottle of Coke was signpost #2.)
Another sign: weight gain. I noticed my clothes were getting tighter despite the fact that I haven’t had appetite to eat much. I refilled the prescription and have been taking it religiously twice a day since New Year’s Eve.
The bummer is that while it’s very easy for me to put on weight when my thyroid is out of whack, it’s not been easy to take it off even when my levels are good. Couple that with “the season”–even though it’s been better this year in terms of mood, I still have zero motivation for anything–and I am in a state of near-despair over this development. The idea of taking off at least 20 pounds feels insurmountable. Usually, any declaration that I am going to lose 10 – 15- 20 pounds is met with a weight gain. I believe it’s difficult and so it is. (Here’s to more PSYCH-K work on this belief.)
So now, I have to think of a new way to do this weight loss thing. I’m tempted to try Nutrisystem or Jenny Craig. Do any of you have any experience with one or the other?
Until my foot heals, I’m somewhat sidelined in terms of exercise: everything hurts. My one idea is to redirect the money I’ve been putting into our salsa group into Pilates Reformer classes at my gym. The only way I’ve ever lost weight (besides being sick) is to build up muscle mass first, then cut fat. The other way around — lots of cardio, calorie slashing — usually puts fat on me.
What’s interesting about this situation is that while I’m disappointed, for the first time EVER I do not feel all judgey and ashamed of myself. Also, even though the fat on my body is not pretty, I’m not looking at myself in the mirror with hatred as I have in the past.
Black
In my gratitude list yesterday, I wrote that my depression has been hovering in the 5-6 range. Did I jinx myself? Because this morning, it spiked to a 9.
I got up, showered, put on glittery eye makeup (which usually lifts me up) and got dressed. But I couldn’t leave the house. The thought of facing my office and my work caused my chest to constrict.Depression and anxiety go hand in hand for me.
I logged onto my email and sent my boss a note that I wouldn’t be in today. Then, I spent the whole day feeling guilty about not being at work, but at the same time being completely unable to concentrate on anything for more than 10 minutes. I tried to watch a movie, read, play on the computer, write the Last Decade, 2006 version, to no avail.
I did get to the doctor and stopped at Starbucks for a chai, but I felt uncomfortable and exposed the whole time I was out of my house. When I got home, I went to bed for three hours until Steve came home.
I’m trying to cut myself a break on days like this, to listen to the judgey, paranoid voice in my head and tell it I’m hearing it (“We are going to get fired!” “We are going to get in trouble with the ex!” “We are going to hurt our marriage!”), but I don’t have to agree with what it says.
I’m trying to be gentler to myself, rather than attempting to kill off the alien that tends to run me this time of year. That’s a change from all previous seasons. I have my fingers crossed that tomorrow will be better. As my friend Jessica reminded me on Twitter today, what goes down must go up again.
The first 10 pounds
Posted by: | CommentsI bought my wedding dress last summer. Since then, I’ve put on about 7 pounds and while the dress fits, it’s uncomfortable. Ultimately, I’d like to shed the 20 pounds I’ve put on in the past 2 years (thanks to the Fucking Mirena), but given my past history with difficulties dropping weight easily, I will be happy to lose 10 so I can comfortably wear my beautiful gown.
Last week, I started to purge refined foods from my diet. Gone are sandwiches with bread (even whole wheat) and processed lunch meats. In are salads filled with veggies and a little protein. Sugar has been the hardest to kick. I caved a couple of times last week, eating a Three Musketeers one day, a sleeve of Sweettarts the other. I’ve allowed myself a little chocolate–one square of a Newman’s 70% cocoa dark chocolate bar–every day. I haven’t missed gluten and wheat much at all. I do miss cheese. Ah, creamy, luscious, dreamy cheese.
I’ve also been diligent about going to the gym. I even got there yesterday morning before work to lift upper body and do an interval elliptical workout.
In the past, I’ve gotten incredibly frustrated because while most people can start losing weight right away on a new program, I usually don’t. My body loves set points: at 187, 183, 178, 171, 169, 165, 162. I know this because in 2003 I did Atkins, starting at 188 lbs. I lost a pound the first week, then the needle didn’t move on the scale for 6 more weeks. And anyone who’s done Atkins knows that induction sucks ass, so to see no results is awful.
Last year, I needed to drop about 7 pounds before I went to Vegas with friends, so I hired a trainer and nutritionist. I started at 179, and once again, I got stuck at 178 for almost 2 months. My consultants were baffled. They tried shaking up the workout–more weights, less weights, no weights, no carbs, some carbs, all carbs. What worked best was some carbs and some weights. Turns out I put on muscle like a fiend. I can easily increase my bicep curls from 10 reps of 10 lbs to 15 reps of 25 lbs in about 3 weeks. So if I lift too much, I don’t lose weight at all. I did get down to 171 before Vegas (and into my size 10s). However, I tend to only lose at the rate of about 0.5 lb a week.
Now I have 12 weeks to drop 7 pounds. I weigh myself on Tuesdays, and last week, I was at 184. This morning, I’m at 182. I weighed myself three times, same scale. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I wonder if the difference has something to do with all the vitamins I’m taking, or the fact that I don’t have an alien device sitting in my uterus spewing out nasty synthetic hormones. All I can say is it’s been a long time since I lost 2 pounds in a week. And skipped a set point. And it feels great!
Process of Elimination
Posted by: | CommentsI’ve finished reading the UltraMind book. Its recommendations really aren’t anything I haven’t read before. The book provided me with a deeper understanding of the chemistry involved in my body’s basic functions.
For me, deeper understanding is important. I’ve never been one to jump off a bridge just because someone tells me to. I want to know why I should jump, how I should jump, how far it is to the water, how deep and swift the water is … and so on. As a child, I drove my mother nuts with asking “Why?”, and I drive Steve nuts with the same question now. The more I can answer why and how in trying new things or making life changes, the better they stick. I admit that sometimes needing all the answers before I do something leaves me stuck, too. Occasionally I do jump and trust that the net will appear.
So, armed with a little more information than I had before, I’m beginning the preparatory weeks before a 6-week program. The goal isn’t weight loss, per se, but given that I have 3 months to get into my wedding dress (I need to lose about 10 lbs), weight loss will be an added benefit. This week, I’m eliminating:
- All white flour, and gluten in particular
- All sugar except fruit, and high fructose corn syrup in particular, including wine, alcohol and sugar substitutes
- Dairy
- Caffeine
I don’t drink much caffeine, so that one’s easy. I’ll miss cheese and my occasional greek yogurt, but other than that I don’t eat dairy at all. The other two, well, this should be fun. Sugar, especially, is my addiction. I don’t eat much white flour–except on LaMarr’s Donut Sundays, which I will have to avoid. But sugar gets me through my afternoons.
I’ve eliminated gluten before, at the beginning of 2007 when I was having horrible issues with my digestion. I did feel better, less sluggish, more energetic not eating gluten. However, my GI issues did not clear up so I started eating it again. Turns out my GI issues–namely, my IBS– were caused by the Fucking Mirena, because once I had it removed, they cleared up about 80%. The other 20% can be attributed to hormones and diet.
Well, this new program should help with both of it.
I’m going back to five meals a day, a technique that’s always worked for me in terms of blood sugar stabilzation and weight loss. If my blood sugar is stable then I shouldn’t get the afternoon headache that comes from hypoglycemia–usually cured by a quick trip to the vending machine for a candy bar or a diet coke. Each of my meals contains protein.
I’m also going to evaluate the supplements I take, maybe add or change a few.
I know that I’ll have added the sugar back in after I’m done, or at least Splenda and Agave (my favorite sweetener, which is actually low on the glycemic list). But probably not LaMarr’s Donuts on Sunday mornings.
And, given that I have to drop 10 pounds by Oct. 3 to get into my dress, I have to up the exercise. I’ve been good about getting an hour of cardio 3 days a week (Zumba, Nia and salsa rehearsal), but I’ve been slacking on the weight lifting. I know from past experience that lifting is the only way I slim down. I can do cardio until I fall over from exhaustion and put on 2 pounds.
But first things first: Getting through the day without caffeine and sugar. I know I can do it. I might just be a bit whiney about it.
Diet vs. drugs?
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I picked up a new book at the library the other day called “The UltraMind Solution,” by Mark Hyman, MD. The author is a leader in the so-called “functional medicine” movement, in which practitioners don’t try to solve problems by prescribing chemicals (aka drugs) that take care of symptoms, but rather manage health from a holistic point of view. That means healing health issues by eating clean, exercising, de-stressing, balancing hormones, and detoxifying.
Dr. Hyman, who is a medical doctor whose own health issues led him to this holistic approach, posits that most people with so-called psychological and neurological illnesses are actually malnourished, stressed out, borderline diabetic, chronically inflammed, out of balance and toxic with heavy metals and pesticides. He attributes the rising numbers of ADHD, autism, Alzheimer’s Disease, Parkinson’s Disease, depression and anxiety diagnoses to these issues.
UltraMind was sitting on the checkout counter at the library, and I just happened to pick it up and scan it. I don’t believe in coincidences.
If you have been reading my blog, you know that I’ve struggled for years with depression, particularly seasonal affective disorder. This year, I tried one of just a handful psychiatric drugs I haven’t tried yet to manage a deep depression this winter: Wellbutrin.
It worked to lift me up … for a while. (Read about it here, and here, and here.) And in the end, after five months, it made me manic and suicidal. I just stopped taking the drug on June 4, suffering two days of heavy flu-like symptoms. I tell you what–I’d rather have the flu for a week than go on that rollercoaster ride again.
My doctor and psychiatrist have been pushing me to use mood stabilizers (lithium, depakote) next year. But I don’t want to. I don’t want to put on 20 pounds, have horrible acne, lose my libido just to feel numb enough not to want to kill myself. There has to be a better way to do this.
Maybe, it’s Dr. Hyman’s way.
Reading his book and taking the quizzes therein, I’ve found I’m “moderately affected” by most of the issues and likely heavily affected by inflammation.
I am definitely low in the Vitamin D hormone that is key to regulating depression–at my last blood test in May my serum level was only 38–and 30 is considered “just barely good enough.” I’ve upped my daily supplementation to 5,000 IU, plus 50,000 IU twice a week from my prescription. I’m also risking a bit by getting direct sunlight without wearing sunscreen daily, attempting to get about 30 minutes each day.
He also talks a lot about mercury poisoning, and considering that at least 70% of my teeth have mercury amalgams in them, I wonder if my chronic depression could be related. Am I toxic?
I’m a regular self-help book reader. Usually, I race through the book to the action plan, then jump in with both feet, then find the program too difficult or cumbersome or complicated and quit. This time feels different.
I did go see a naturopath in February, and while I liked her, she wasn’t scientific enough. Dr. Hyman references mainstream medical studies, and while I think some of his references are a stretch in making his points, some are pretty clear evidence from big scientific research institutions. I think he borders on bullshit when it comes to his ideas on autism, but the rest of the stuff seems reasonable.
It makes complete sense that I am causing my body to run poorly because of my health choices.
I’m not done with the book yet. I’ve just logged in to the related website to get to the downloads he mentions in the book, and of course you have to pay for them (everything’s a racket). However, I’m going to do it anyway.
I’m going to be patient, follow his six week plan (ugh–eliminating all gluten will be a pain in the ass, as I’ve done that before. Eliminating all dairy will be relatively easy since I rarely eat it, except for cheese which I will miss because I love it so.)
Dr. Hyman might well be proved to be a quack. I followed Dr. Atkins and Dr. Agiston for a while, and I felt better, lost weight and had a hard time keeping up with the programs.
His approach may not be 100% what I need. But I am becoming more and more convinced that I want to choose diet over drugs for what ails me. Because the drugs–besides my thyroid medication–just don’t seem to work at all or all that much.
